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A Night Of Fun And Revelry

It was a night of revelry as Greg and I went to Sharky's in Oak Bluffs to help Paul celebrate turning 30. It was really nice to meet some of his old friends whom I hadn't met before. It's one thing to hear about Greg's teenage years, but it's another to be able to put faces to the names. Not to mention that I had a really good time. I had forgotten how good the drinks are at Sharky's. It was so nice to get out and feel like I had some kind of life other than working and sleeping. I'm looking forward to this weekend as well. My cousin's wedding should be a lot of fun.

A Walk In The Park

I've been walking about 3 miles almost every day this week. Actually, I've walked this far every day this week. I'm proud of myself because I never thought I'd be able to walk this far. I'm sick of being out of shape though, and walking is something easy I can do to help my weight loss. It's simple math really, would I rather have more points or less...I always choose more. Of course if it's nasty out, I won't walk...I'm not a fanatic. I've also been back at lifting weights. I want to be more fit and toned. Weight loss is great, but its not enough to get me the body that I want. In order to get what I want, I have to exercise in addition to loosing weight. Sorry if I'm boring you all with talk of weight loss and exercise, but that's what's on my mind 90% of the time. I guess that's the difference from the last time I tried to exercise and lose weight, I'm much more focused than I was last time. Oh well, enough of my blather...I'm back to watching Dancing With The Stars.

Life Or Something Like It

So this week Greg officially became a bus driver. His schedule is all over the place, which kind of sucks, but isn't too bad. It's a little tough having the two of us working as we only have the one car, but it's totally worth the annoyance. I can't wait till Greg gets paid since he'll get a big paycheck. I get paid on the day after, so that will be really nice. Hopefully we'll be able to save up some money this Summer and start working on getting off the Island. Not that living here sucks so badly or anything, but it would be nice to have our own place. Ah well, things will come if I have some patience!

Blah, Blah, Blah

My life is pretty boring right now. This past weekend was exciting as Greg, Bonnie and I went off Island. It was Greg's birthday on the 14th and so we all went off Island on the 15th to celebrate. I also was invited to Melissa's bridal shower, so it was perfect timing. The shower was a lot of fun. A good time was had by all. It made me remember how much fun getting married was! Greg got to go on a shopping spree for his birthday and wound up with a lot of new clothes. He needed them as he hardly ever shops for himself. I was also able to snag some things I had wanted. I got a pair of knock off sketcher's shape ups (the shoes that tone you while you walk), a cute blue plaid dress, two new shirts and two new bras. Apparently, when you lose weight, you need to recheck your bra size every so often. The only other news was my co-worker Debbie deciding to scold me like a child last week when I worked with her. She didn't like the fact that I got mad at her for not doing her job. I'm sorry, when a customer's waiting on you to get his prescription and you decide to chat with your friend, that's a problem. Debbie didn't like the fact that I called her to task for not doing her job. She had to gall to, after work, stop her car at the driveway entrance and proceeded to roll down the window and yell at me for making her look bad. She made herself look bad by chatting with her friend and showing pictures rather than doing her job. When I said as much she told me that she had the right to talk to a friend for a minute or two. Yeah...You do...But not when customers are waiting on you so they can get their prescription and get on with their day! Thankfully, I told my boss Dave all of this and I think he took my side enough to chew her out over it today. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but Debbie sounded upset. Good, she doesn't have the right to treat me like she does and if she wants my respect, she can earn it by doing her job and not making me cover for her laziness. Man...I feel better now.

It's A Wonderful Night

I'm sitting at home watching the Sox win, which is pretty sweet. I broke my 140 pound barrier, but then went back up to 140. Hopefully this week I'll go back below it. I expected to gain last week at I didn't watch what I ate. This week I should be good. I've been watching what I eat and haven't gone above my flex points. Bonnie bought me a points calculator, so that should make things easier. It's a little different than the old one I had (which I gave my sister), but it's still pretty good. She also got a food scale which is pretty awesome! Greg's still training with the VTA, so that's pretty good. Hopefully we'll be getting off Island around the 15th as I have a bridal shower to go to and it's Greg's birthday that Friday. I need some new sneakers and some prescription sunglasses and maybe a new swimsuit, but other than that I'm all set for Summer. I can't wait to be able to go to the beach on a regular basis! Until then I'll just have to be content to walk the bike path near our house (well, it's Bonnie's house, we just rent a room here). I really can't wait to get a career, a house and some kids. All of these things will happen eventually, but I feel like it's time to start trying to save up money and make a plan for the future. I'm sure we'll do fine, Greg and I always manage to come out alright in the end, but waiting is starting to try my patience. Of course that's probably something I need to work on as well. I won't get very far if I don't have some patience. It's a long road ahead of me and I need to remember that things won't happen overnight. I just have to square my shoulders and settle in for the long haul. :)

Gaming Goodness

Tonight Scott has been walking us through making characters for the game he's running. I'm wicked excited about it as it seems like it's going to be an epic game. We've been using Skype to communicate and it's been really cool. I have a webcam in my laptop, so if someone else has a webcam set up we can even see each other on Skype. I'm looking forward to talking to people with this new technology, but I don't seem to be on at the same time as other people. Oh well, one of these days it'll happen. At any rate the webcam itself is pretty fun. Other than that there hasn't been anything new going on. I'm hoping to lose weight this week, but I won't know until Monday. I'd go crazy if I weighed myself more than once a week and if I didn't weigh myself at all I wouldn't know when I gained weight. I should say I wouldn't know until my clothing didn't fit right, and I'd rather know before that happens. Anyway, all is well on the Vineyard.

Life Is Good

Life's been good to me lately. There's nothing for me to complain about. Sure, there might be minor everyday bitches, but nothing major's gone wrong in a long time. Actually I think the last time something major went wrong with my life was when my mother died. This of course makes me wonder when the other shoe will drop so to speak. I'm slowly and surely becoming convinced that it won't happen just yet. In my life, I have a hard time enjoying the present. I'm too busy worrying about what bad shit will come my way. I resolved to try and stop that when I moved here. I don't always succeed, but I'm better at it than I was and that's all I can ask. Spring and Summer make it really easy for me to stay positive. It's nice out more often than not, everything's green, people seem happier. Every day I get closer to my goal weight. I've kind of been struggling with Weight Watchers since January. I've been hovering at around 140 or so. I'm hoping that this week I'll be able to drop below 140 and be able to say I weigh less than I ever have in my adult life. It's weird, when people tell me I'm skinny or that I should feel proud of myself I find myself wanting to look over my shoulder to see who they're really talking to. Maybe I'm just not used to being this weight, but I still don't see the skinny girl people are commenting on. I wonder if it'll get better when I lose more weight. Don't misunderstand me, I do see my progress and I am wicked proud of myself, I just know I still have a little further to go. It's still hard to believe I'm a size 8. When I was in high school I would have killed someone to be that small. Now though it just doesn't seem to be such a big deal. Loosing weight has become easy in a way I never thought it would be. I've struggled with my weight since I was in 7th grade. I'm not just talking about hitting a plateau, I'm talking about runaway weight gain. I think I really and truly hated myself. Now, following the diet feels right. I may have a week where I'm bad, but I always come back to the plan. I keep saying that I don't know what changed, but I definitely do: I care about myself. I want to succeed. Today I managed to put my student loans in forbearance until I can fill out the paperwork proving my income. It felt very adult and very good to deal with that although I'd been putting it off for a long time. I let fear come between me and what I want and need to accomplish and it feels good to finally do stuff anyway. Next up: the credit card debt!

Another Day On The Vineyard

Tonight was nice. We went out to the Oceanview to celebrate Bonnie's birthday. Her birthday isn't until tomorrow, but she wanted to go out tonight to celebrate as tomorrow's Easter. Overall it was a fun evening. The food was delicious and I think we all had a lot of fun. I've been looking into grad school recently. I want to be an elementary school teacher. I was worried that my lack of education background would be a problem, but the person I talked to over the phone told me it wouldn't be an issue. That's one issue out of the way, but I still have a few other hurdles to overcome. I guess it wouldn't be life without them though.

New Username, New Journal

So I gave myself a new username that was more in tune with who I am now. I also changed a lot of my settings to let anyone read this if they so desire.

Today was hard. My mom would have been 61 today had she lived. I'm not sure how I feel about this. There's a part of me that's at peace with this. She's dead and nothing I say or do will bring her back. On the other hand, I never pictured her not being in my life. I guess there was some part of me that knew she was going to die at some point. I just thought she would be around for a lot longer than she was. I don't think I truly appreciated her while she was here. Now that she's gone there's so many things I wish I could say to her. She should have been here to see me truly make it (which I haven't yet). She should have been able to see me have children. So many things were left unsaid and undone. At the same time I have to believe that she knew I loved her with all my heart and that she's up in heaven watching over me and will get to see all of the stuff she didn't in life.

All the same I'm left feeling lonely and abandoned...